SOUND: DOOR HANDLE RATTLES
ALICE: Oh dear. The door is locked.
DOOR KNOB: You could be a little more gentle, you know.
ALICE: Oh! Who said that?
DOOR KNOB: I did, of course.
ALICE: The doorknob?
DOOR KNOB: Oh, it’s quite all right. But you did give me quite a turn!
ALICE: I’m terribly sorry. But I was following...
DOOR KNOB: Heh, heh, heh. Rather good, what? Doorknob? Turn? Heh, heh, heh.
ALICE: Oh, please help me, sir. I’m looking for a white rabbit, and he must have gone through your door. So, if you don’t mind...
DOOR KNOB: Oh. sorry, you’re much too big to go through. Simply impassible. ALICE: You mean impossible?
DOOR KNOB: Oh, no—heh, heh—impassible.
ALICE: Now really.
DOOR KNOB: Why don’t you try the bottle on the table?
ALICE: Uh, bottle? Why there is a bottle. And it says, “Drink me.”
DOOR KNOB: Well?
ALICE: All right. I’ll drink it.
SOUND: UNCORKING BOTTLE
ALICE: Hmmm, tastes um... like cherry tart... and... and custard... and, oh my goodness. Like Roast turkey
DOOR KNOB: How do you feel?
MUSIC:
ALICE: How do I... Oh! What’s happening to me? I’m getting smaller. I’m shrinking. I’m getting smaller and smaller and smaller.
DOOR KNOB: Ho, ho. One more swallow and you would have gone out like a candle.
ALICE: Oh, but I’m just the right size now. I can go through the door and... DOOR KNOB: Oh. I forgot to tell you. I, um... I’m locked!
   
Lux script - Alice in Wonderland Page 5 of 35
ALICE: Oh no!
DOOR KNOB: You do have the key, I presume?
ALICE: What key?
DOOR KNOB: Now, don’t tell me you’ve left it up there on the table!
ALICE: Oh, dear! What will I do? I’m so small, I couldn’t possibly reach the table.
DOOR KNOB: Well then, try the box.
ALICE: Box? What box?
DOOR KNOB: I must say, you are helpless. Turn around. There. You see? Well... open it.
ALICE: Why, there’s a cookie in it. It says, “Eat Me.” *SIGH* Very well. I’ll eat it.
DOOR KNOB: (CHUCKLING) Oh, I can’t wait til you do.
ALICE: Goodness knows what will happen this time. I’ll probably... OH!
MUSIC:
ALICE: I’m growing up again. I’m growing taller. Oh. Well, that’s enough. Stop! Oh, STOP!
SOUND: BUMP
ALICE: Oh! Oh, my head.
DOOR KNOB: Hear now, hear. If you’ve cracked our ceiling...
ALICE: My poor head. Oh, and just look at me.
DOOR KNOB: (CHUCKLING) Large, aren’t you?
ALICE: Well, I don’t think it’s a bit funny. (SHE STARTS CRYING)
DOOR KNOB: Hear now. There’s no blubbering, please.
ALICE: Now I shall never get out! Never!
DOOR KNOB: Your tears! You’ll flood us out. Turn off those... *GULP* tears at once!
ALICE: But I... I can’t!
DOOR KNOB: (DROWNING IN HER TEARS) Stop, I say! Stop it,
immediately!
ALICE: I just can’t... help it!
DOOR KNOB: (GARBLED UNDER WATER) Get the key! Get the key! ALICE: But what good will that do me now?
  
Lux script - Alice in Wonderland Page 6 of 35
DOOR KNOB: And the bottle! The one marked, “Drink Me!”
ALICE: Where is it?
DOOR KNOB: It’s floating on the waves! Drink the rest of it! Quickly! Drink it!
ALICE: I’ll... I’ll try anything.
DOOR KNOB: I... I hope you can swim!
ALICE: I’m getting smaller again.
DOOR KNOB: Unlock me. Open the door. Let the water out.
ALICE: Courage, doorknob, courage!
DOOR KNOB: glpglpglp... key! Turn the lock!
SOUND: LOCK TURNS
ALICE: I’ve done it! I’ve done it!
DOOR KNOB: Open the door! Run for the hills, men! The dam is burst! SOUND: WATER RUSHING
MUSIC:
ALICE: *Whew* At least I’m out of that room. And... and at least I’m on dry land, again. But... what dry land? It’s a forest. I must have floated here. Oh. And I’m so tiny again, I...
SOUND: HIGH HORN
ALICE: Oh!
TWEEDLE DEE: Quite a flood.
SOUND: LOW HORN
TWEEDLE DUM: Wasn’t it?
ALICE: What peculiar little men. Why... why you’re twins. TWEEDLE DEE: I’m Tweedle (SOUND: HIGH HORN) Dee. TWEEDLE DUM: I’m Tweedle (SOUND: LOW HORN) Dum ALICE: Well, it’s meeting you. Goodbye.
TWEEDLE DEE: You’re beginning backwards!
TWEEDLE DUM: Yes, the first thing in a visit is to say:
BOTH: (SINGING) How do you do and shake hands, shake hands, shake hands. How do you do and shake hands and state your name and business.
BOTH: That’s manners!
       
Lux script - Alice in Wonderland Page 7 of 35
ALICE: Oh, very well. My name is Alice and I’m following a white rabbit. So I really must...
TWEEDLE DEE: But you can’t go yet!
SOUND: HIGH HORN
TWEEDLE DUM: Oh no. The visit’s just started! ALICE: I’m very sorry, but I...
TWEEDLE DUM: If you stay long enough (SOUND: LOW HORN) we might have a battle! Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee agreed to have a battle.
TWEEDLE DEE: For Tweedle Dum...
TWEEDLE DUM: Said Tweedle Dee...
TWEEDLE DEE: Has spoiled my nice new rattle. We’re also... (SOUND: LOW & HIGH HORN)
TWEEDLE DUM: ... poets.
ALICE: Thank you very much. But I must be going.
BOTH: Why?
ALICE: Well, because I am following a white rabbit!
BOTH: Why?
ALICE: Well, I- I’m curious to know where he is going!
TWEEDLE DUM: Ohhhh, she’s curious! Tsk! tsk! tsk! tsk!...
TWEEDLE DEE: The oysters were curious too.
TWEEDLE DUM: And remember what happened to them...
BOTH: Poor things!
ALICE: But... but what did happen to the oysters?
BOTH: You don’t know?
ALICE: No.
TWEEDLE DEE: We will now relay...
MUSIC:
TWEEDLE DUM: ‘The Walrus and the Carpenter’!
TWEEDLE DEE: Or...
BOTH: ‘The story of the curious Oysters’!
TWEEDLE DUM: (SINGING) The sun was shining on the sea, shining with all his might,
TWEEDLE DEE: He did his very best to make the billows full and bright.
    
Lux script - Alice in Wonderland Page 8 of 35
TWEEDLE DUM: And this was odd, because it was...
BOTH: the middle of the night.
TWEEDLE DUM: The Walrus and the Carpenter were walking close at hand.
TWEEDLE DEE: The beach was white from side to side but much too full of sand.
CARPENTER: ‘Mister Walrus’,
TWEEDLE DEE: said the Carpenter
CARPENTER: ‘My brain begins to burke. We’ll sweep this clear in half a year’,
BOTH: if you don't mind the work.
WALRUS: Work? The time has come...
BOTH: ...the Walrus said,
WALRUS: To talk of other things.
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, and cabbages and kings.
And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings.
Calloo, callay, no work today! We’re cabbages and kings!
TWEEDLE DEE: And that’s when they saw the oysters.
ALICE: Oh, what did they do?
TWEEDLE DUM: Listen.
WALRUS: Oh, oysters, come and walk with us. The day is warm and bright!
A pleasant walk, a pleasant talk, would be a sheer delight!
CARPENTER: Yes, and should we get hungry on the way, we’ll stop and... have a bite!
TWEEDLE DEE: But mother Oyster winked her eye and shook her heavy head. She knew too well this was no time to leave her oyster bed.
MOTHER OYSTER: The sea is nice, take my advice, and stay right here. TWEEDLE DEE: Mum said.
TWEEDLE DUM: But the Walrus had other ideas.
TWEEDLE DEE: Oh yes! And the Carpenter, too.
WALRUS: The time has come, me little friends, to talk of other things. Of shoes and ships and sealing wax, of cabbages and kings.
And why the sea is boiling hot, and whether pigs have wings. Haha! Calloo, callay, come run away! We’re the cabbages and kings!

Lux script - Alice in Wonderland Page 9 of 35
ALICE: Well, what happened?
TWEEDLE DEE: Why, they got ready for lunch.
TWEEDLE DUM: Spread a table cloth, tucked in their napkins...
BOTH: And...
WALRUS: The time has come, me little friends, to talk of food and things!
Of peppercorns and mustard seed and other seasonings.
We’ll mix some all together in a sauce as good for kings. Ha haaa.
Callooh, callay, we’ll eat today, like cabbages and kings!
I... I, uh... I weep for you—(*hic* oh, excuse me)—I deeply sympathize.
For I've enjoyed your company, oh, much more than you realize.
MOTHER OYSTER: Little oysters, little oysters...
TWEEDLE DUM: But answer there came none.
TWEEDLE DEE: And... this was scarcely odd, because...
BOTH: They had eaten, every one!
ALICE: Oh, that was a very sad story.
TWEEDLE DUM: And there’s a moral to it.
ALICE: Ooh, a very good moral, if you happen to be an oyster. Well, it’s been a very nice visit, gentlemen, but I...
TWEEDLE DUM: Another recitation...
ALICE: I’m sorry, but I...
TWEEDLE DEE: We will now recite, ‘Father William’.
ALICE: But really, I’m...
TWEEDLE DUM: First verse:
BOTH: You are old, Father William, the young man said and your hair has become very white.
And yet you incessantly stand on your head, do you think at your age it is right, is right, do you think at your age it is right?
ALICE: (OVERLAPPING) There he goes, the White Rabbit. I see him. Oh, Mister Rabbit! Wait! Oh, please wait for me.
TWEEDLE DEE: Well...
BOTH: (FADING) in me youth, father William replied to his son, I’d do it again and again and again and I’d done it again and again and again... (FADE OUT)

Lux script - Alice in Wonderland Page 10 of 35
ALICE: (OUT OF BREATH) Oh. I just... I just can’t run any further. Oh, Mister Rabbit!
WHITE RABBIT: Oh, I’m late. Oh dear, I’m here. I should be there. I’m late, I’m late, I’m late.
ALICE: Oh, now he’s gone again. And I’ll never catch him while I’m this small. ROSE: I beg you’re pardon?
ALICE: I said I... I’ll never catch him while I’m so... oh! Who said that? ROSE: Why, I did.
FLOWERS: (GIGGLE)
ALICE: Oh, but that’s nonsense. Flowers can’t talk.
ROSE: But of course we can talk, my dear.
SNAP-DRAGON: If there’s anyone worth talking to.
MARGEURITE: Or about!
ALICE: A garden. Roses and Iris and Daisies and Manilas and...
VIOLETS: And Pareses. We sing too!
ROSE: Ready, girls?
MUSIC: BEGINS
FLOWERS TUNE THEMSELVES.
LILY: Laaaa...
VIOLETS: Mimimimi...
MARGEURITE: Lalalala...
ALL FLOWERS: (JOIN IN) Lalalalalaaaaaa...
(SINGING) Little bread-and-butterflies kiss the tulips, and the sun is like a toy balloon.
There are get up in the morning glories,